A Whole Lot Of...

Self Doubt...Low Confidence...Negative Self Talk.

I have been struggling quite a bit this year. Ever since we ended the running streak I haven't truly been the same. While I was pretty satisfied with running daily from Thanksgiving to New Years (with the exception of the one day that I had a 24 hour bug) - I have not been very happy about my progress since then.

January was a lot of rest and recovery after running every day for over 30 days. February is pretty much a blur and March was bad because I was sick and it hung on for a lot longer than I have ever experienced. April was a month of allergy related set-backs. Not many, but enough to make me feel like a loser, but at the same time be okay with the end total of miles I accomplished. Really though, March was so sucky that April was great by comparison.

Now, I'm trying to get back into some sort of positive mental mojo. It's been not great. This past weekend we took a mini break and went to Seattle for a couple of days and to see a baseball game. Monday morning we went out for a run and in my own estimation, it was not good. I felt terrible. Not well hydrated and running in a totally different atmosphere altogether. I'm not really used to the amount of traffic as we encountered in SoDo.

Man what a whiner...

In the end I think I was happy that we got out at all. Then spent a lot of the morning and early afternoon walking.

My confidence has plummeted for some reason. One day I'll be feeling pretty good about running, but the next time out may not turn out so great - no matter how much I try to think positive and try not to listen to the voice in my head that says that I'm a loser...why even try...blah blah blah.

For the most of the year I was dealing with foot pain which turned out to be a corn. Now that that is 99% resolved, my feet don't hurt now. Just my head is making me hurt. I know that I can turn around the negative thoughts in my mind, but it's getting easier for some reason to believe those things.

I think what I need is a decent race. I haven't really had one yet. I had to step down the Hop Hop Half to the 5k and didn't even make it to the first race we were signed up for. Maybe the Run to Remember event will help at the end of the month.

Something has got to get better....and sooner would be good.